“Tom; when she if feeling insecure, that is when she gets out of control. It is some kind of Bradshaw type abandonment trauma or something. Re-assuring her even when she is wrong and not pushing her away brings her in and makes her reasonable”
Ed Donegan saying about this exact thing or words to Tom Donegan about Glorian Donegan as she was becoming upset in the 1990s and I was driving to work in Berkley on a cell phone.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe in a quote about herself located and used by Mke Rothmiller and Douglas Thomas in Bombshell the nigh RFK killed Marilyn Monroe
A common symptom of BPD is an extreme fear of abandonment. This fear can lead to the need for frequent reassurance that abandonment is not imminent. It also creates a drive to go to great lengths to try to avoid real or imagined abandonment and the feelings associated with it.Oct 5, 2022
BPD and Fear of Abandonment in Relationships https://www.verywellmind.com/why-does-everybody-leave-me-425201
BPD and Fear of Abandonment in Relationships
The struggle to maintain healthy relationships is very common for people with borderline personality disorder. A common symptom of BPD is an extreme fear of abandonment.
This fear can lead to the need for frequent reassurance that abandonment is not imminent. It also creates a drive to go to great lengths to try to avoid real or imagined abandonment and the feelings associated with it.
As a result, the fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments, sometimes abruptly cutting off, as well as making frantic attempts to hold onto relationships. These overly intense or erratic behaviors, in turn, often push loved ones away.
This unhealthy relationship dynamic tends to exacerbate underlying abandonment fears, often creating a repeated cycle of unstable relationships.1 These behaviors often backfire and trigger the very abandonment that the person with BPD is seeking to prevent.3 As such, the end of a relationship can feel particularly devastating for people with BPD.
Understanding the Fear of Abandonment
Cyclical Nature
People with BPD may simultaneously fear abandonment and have symptoms that create conflicts with others. For instance, they may display volatile moods, distress intolerance, extremes of anger and withdrawal, and impulsivity.
People with BPD often engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This can include:
- Oversharing
- Misplaced anger
- Impulsivity
- Lashing out at loved ones
- Devaluing their partner3
These behaviors within personal relationships often lead to relationship dysfunction, instability and even abandonment, which then reinforces the fear.1
BPD and Romantic Relationships
Stopping the Cycle of Fear
The good news is that there are things you can do to try to stop the unhealthy cycle of interpersonal conflict and abandonment. Borderline personality disorder is often treated with psychotherapy. Medications may be used, particularly if there are co-occurring conditions.
Different types of talk therapy can be especially effective in identifying triggers, interpersonal expectations, and managing symptoms that most often lead to relationship conflicts and fear of abandonment. Two of these approaches include:
- Dialectical behavior therapy can teach people a set of skills called “interpersonal effectiveness” skills. These skills can help people with BPD learn to be more effective in relationships, which can make those relationships stronger and more likely to last.4
- Schema-focused therapy also may be helpful in identifying and actively changing problematic ways of thinking that are causing issues. It can help people with BPD pinpoint unmet needs that they’ve been trying to get others to meet in an unhealthy way and find healthy ways to get those needs met instead.2 In addition, schema-focused therapy can help to explore the roots of abandonment issues with your therapist.
Some people with BPD have had experiences in early childhood that would understandably leave them afraid of people leaving them. Talking about how those early experiences influence their current ways of viewing and interacting with the world may be helpful.
Dynastic Successions Book 